Today’s daily desk copy request: Michael Carroll’s Lab 257: The Disturbing Story of the Government’s Secret Germ Laboratory for an introductory biology course.
Our government keeps a lot of secrets from us. Mainly the whole Roswell thing, but I’ve been told there are others. So add this one to your list:
Nestled within a stone’s throw of P Diddy’s annual Hamptons White Party lies Plum Island, an unimposing, pork-chop-shaped mass unidentified on most maps. For those generally suspicious of unidentified pork-chop-shaped islands:
1. Get a less specific preoccupation.
2. Good work, because this meat-reminiscent isle plays home to the deadliest germs that have ever roamed the planet, and was dubbed by one optimistic insider as the “biological Three Mile Island.”
Based on innumerable declassified government documents, scores of in-depth interviews, and access to Plum Island itself, this is an eye-opening, suspenseful account of a federal government germ laboratory gone terribly wrong. For the first time, Lab 257 takes you deep inside this secret world and presents startling revelations including virus outbreaks, biological meltdowns, infected workers who were denied assistance in diagnosis by Plum Island brass, the periodic flushing of contaminated raw sewage into area waters, and the insidious connections between Plum Island, Lyme disease, and the deadly 1999 West Nile virus outbreak.
Luckily it sits nowhere near any of the United States’ most bustling metropolises!
Sike! It’s right by New York, the most bustling of bustling populations. MOVE TO THE YUKON OR BE A BIOLOGICALLY COMPROMISED FOOL FOREVER.